Archive for the ‘Just My Life’ Category

Way back when I first started  this blog, I posted a list with adventures and it’s only fair that, now that I start writing again, I keep the trend and introduce a new list. This one, however, is a simple to-do list. A single girl’s to-do list. A set of guidelines that will help me begin my new life.

Being all newly single, something I haven’t been for a while… hmm more like since high school not counting the short weeks in between… Anyway, so all fresh on the market, I realized that I don’t know how to be really single, or in a relationship for that matter;  was always something of an inbetweener! So to teach me some important girl lessons, a friend of mine gave me the book “The Single Girl’s To-Do List” just before she left for the other end of the world. The perfect cure for heartbreak, she said. And it was! I was a bit skeptic at first (I’m not big on the chick flick books) but with bursts of laughter here and there, gettng  many weird looks in the metro or in the street (yes, I walk and read at the same time), I learned one ore two things about starting over… this being a recurring theme this month!

… And here it is. The list as featured in the book. The one that step by step will lead me to total recovery…

1. Have a complete makeover –  hair, makeup, clothes, my transformation has started, and I must admit my new short do attracts quite some looks from les parisiens.

2. Keep a regime – diet, exercise, and all the good stuff; I already have a cute running partner, but hands off until the list is completely ticked off.

3. Do something extreme – as I have already done a bunjee jump, I have to find something else. Does Oktoberfest count?

4. Get a tattoo – been wanting that for ages, so no reason to wait more… it’s on the list after all!

5. Find a date for dad’s wedding – considering my dad’s not getting married again soon as far as I know, I can put New Year’s as a deadline

6. Buy something obsecenely expensive – maybe finally I’ll get that motorcycle I’ve been craving for so long

7. Write a letter to your ex – get closure in a way, but might wait a little considering my utter fear from expressing my feelings

8. Travel – that might be the easiest on the list, got some destinations already lined up

9. Contact your first crush – sort of like coming full circle

10. Break the law – that can double up with “do something your ex wouldn’t approve of”

And no excuses… The list is always right!

PS. Have to credit my inspiration to Lindsey Kelk for writing the book and Marissa Starvaggi for being a great friend and giving it to me 🙂


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Start Over…

For the last almost 20 years September was the actual time a new year would start for me… it wasn’t really the 1st of January, or the first day of spring; not my birthday either… So many times in early September I would anxiously count down the days to the first day of classes or sadly curse the people who made the summer break so short… I would have impossible fights with my mom over the new clothes she wants to buy me for school or gather the old books to sell them and maybe buy something I would actually wear… I would get together with friends to catch up on our summer adventures and the consequences of them 😉 …or pack my bags to fly to a foreign country and start over with school, work and life…

And somewhat instinctively with the start of another year, I reached back to my old dusty blog and decided it was time to restart it.  Just because September is the beginning of it all… because I feel the need to start my whole life all over, and here on the white pages I can make it the one I really want. Over the last 15 months my life turned upside down and inside out way too many times – I moved, I traveled, I met people and left more, I tried and failed, and then kept trying and failing, having no idea where I’m going and what I’m looking for. I was lost… and still am, so I need a change. But first, I have to restart… It always helps Windows after all, so why not me?!

So here it starts all over again. Explore. Dream. Discover. .. yourself!

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… or I do… or we stay but we lose each other… and I hate losing things.

Packing my life into a suitcase was always painful, but maybe it hurt even more to help pack the life of my friends moving on the other end of the world.  Shedding a tear in the final moments, I kept thinking that people come and go, and no time spent together is really enough, but we often realize it too late. And even though maybe I won’t see my friends very soon,  I feel that when we finally reunite it will all be like before, we wouldn’t leave each other’s hearts… or would we?

The goodbyes always hurt, but my heart truly breaks when I  see the same people at the same places, but in their eyes I see something different… a moment of separation and the door was tightly shut behind me. Of course, life goes on when I am not around but does it really have to continue without me, don’t I belong any more?!

I’ve made my choices… the road still calls me, even though I want to stop and settle with you next to me, all of you… I am pretty bad at keeping in touch and even when I try, people just slip away. Maybe they are just as bad as I am with keeping the flame, or some are just fed up with me replying after a few days (or weeks), and others… others just can’t be bothered to keep the pace and give up on me.

But still, I don’t want to lose more, I want it all back… I always thought feelings are for the weak at heart, but even though I might not have said it, I never stopped loving you. I want the old days when we were always together, enjoying life and getting younger with every laugh. I don’t want to leave or be left ever again. Instead I will come join you somehow, I promise… but will you make my trip shorter? Just take a step in my direction…

To all of you I have lost, I miss you

… but if you want to leave, you can. I’ll remember you though. I remember everyone that leaves.

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It’s that day of the year. Booze shopping and don’t forget to call your mom to thank her.  She got offended because her present had dad’s name on it and I thanked him. Mess as always. Party. People. What do I wear? Whatever. Soon I am happy under the influence. Hey here, hello there. I feel a bit special. Whiskey. I don’t remember. Pictures say I had fun and I tend to believe them. I look better on my friend’s camera. More alcohol, don’t remember what. Dancing. It’s dark. Candles on a cinnamon bun. I confiscate my camera from a drunk dude so it can live another day. No more pics but I still think it was fun. More influence. Great DJ. My friends are making out. LOL.  I love my friends.

It’s late. Or maybe early. People leaving. I see her sobbing in the corner. Oh, it’s also that other time of the year. Just in 4 days. My birthday is always bittersweet. I give her a hug with him looking at me from the pictures on the wall. I feel it’s my fault somehow. Maybe if it wasn’t time for my birthday, then it wouldn’t be time for… 3 years. Flowers. Obituary on the pole at the deadly exit. I still miss him. Ride in heaven!

…It’s morning. Only a few left. Loud Bulgarian music. Some people are pissed for something so I try to evacuate the probable culprits/victims. Can’t make them leave. Finally. It’s bright outside. Walking. I wanna go home. Somehow instead I end up at another apartment with gin and tonic in my hand. And I believe there was another one after. Frustration. Crashed on the chair in the corner. Vaguely remember being woken up to move to the couch. Maybe I snored. Snuggle. It felt good for a few minutes. If only I didn’t need to pee.

Pub crawl. It somehow sounded like a good idea. Lizard. 13percent beer. Another round. Shattered glass. Next. One of us is too drunk to be served. Next. Toad. Beer in the early afternoon with fellow alcoholics at the bar. Spilled glass. Another round. More spillage. We got a hint to take our drunk friend away. Outside. Taxi. Drunk gone. Three left and back in the bar. He, She and I.

Finally home. I don’t remember how we got here. Three of us. Or why? I must have given directions… There is another party tonight. We crash for a few hours. Awake for a quick food fix and back to bed. I feel like partying again tonight. They are tired. Snuggle. Nice. Three of us. Awkward. Well, too late for that party now. Let’s watch a movie. I drink wine. Lord of war. He is napping in my lap. Back to bed. Three of us. It’s weird. I can’t sleep. I still don’t know if I was the third wheel or the lead in the story. I wish…

Morning again. He leaves. She leaves. I stay. My birthday party is officially over.

Time to clean the mess!

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Only The Beginning

Recently many of my friends wrote life buckets for their future – 30 things to do before 30, or 10 before 25. I guess, at the end of the year people draw the line of what they have done in their life and how much more there is to be done… Or maybe, it’s just that my friends and I, far enough from the flimsy teenage years, and still young to be too serious about life, sat down to consider where we would be in those 5-10 years from now.  Thus filling those buckets with dreams reminds us where we are going and keeps us on track to our goals. Day by day, or month at a time, we scratch the things from our lists and this makes us feel better about ourselves, brings us closer to what we have pinned down as personal success for the years to come.

So yes, I succumbed to the fashion of making life buckets and started filling mine… but then it started overflowing…. there are way too many things I want to do, some realistic and some not so much… so I, being innovative and all, decided to take a different approach. I started writing down the things that I am going to do this year… I am not saying that I am going to stop wrinkling my forehead and drink less coffee… I want to, but who knows…

So here it is, my list of things I am doing in 2010… no dreams, no life goals or resolutions, just facts…

  1. Live in Europe… again
  2. Fly a plane at least once
  3. Buy a new motorcycle
  4. Ride a roller coaster (never done it)
  5. Get a legit scuba diving certificate (Cleopatra’s doesn’t count)
  6. Party at a big music festival
  7. Get on a helicopter
  8. Go white water rafting
  9. See the Dropkick Murphys for St. Paddy’s Day
  10. Ice climb
  11. Visit San Francisco
  12. Have a beer at a Red Sox game
  13. Finish my tattoo project
  14. Spend Christmas back in Bulgaria
  15. Go to Canada
  16. Start the 2011 Mongol Rally journey (register and fundraise)
  17. Skydive
  18. Get a great gob
  19. Improve my drumming
  20. Learn Argentine Tango
  21. Go whale watching
  22. Couchsurf
  23. Knit myself a hat and scarf (learn to knit along the way)
  24. See a Celtics game

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Dear diary…

It’s finally 2010 and I have decided that it would be MY year after an eventful finish of 2009. So, turning a clean sheet and starting a new decade I figure I should start my life anew… in a way.

I never in my life kept a diary or a journal – I figured I will always remember the great moments  so what’s the point of writing everything down….will I ever read it? Will I show it to anyone? If I want to catch up with my friends and tell them my stories, I can write them emails, postcards… or so I thought until recently, when I slowly started realizing and finally came to terms with the idea that my memory is not as good as I thought. I have forgotten details from my greatest adventures… I don’t even remember what I did three weeks ago.

I have always been pretty bad at keeping in touch with friends who are now scattered all across the globe. One of my friends would write long emails with her crazy adventures to keep us updated with her life. I would read them over and over again and feel as if she is telling me those stories back in her room, she on the soft chair in front of her desk, and I curled up in her bed… and I want to tell her so many things…. Talking on the phone with friends and parents and hearing about their everyday lives, love drama and travel adventures, I want to share back and tell them about my life, and yet the same words keep coming out in emails and conversations…. “I’m good… nothing special has really happened… same old… I hate my job and I made banitza last weekend.”…

So this is my genuine try to keep in touch, share and remember what happens to me. As I am lazy to keep them separate, this would be at times my personal diary, travel journal and a blog with my very significant thoughts on life. It would be for me and for you, for everything and nothing really…

…This is for the unforgettable moments that I am trying to remember.

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